A Matter of Time
Time shall decide my fate, as if I were trying to astound by saying so, but no, what IS remarkable will be that I am discovered to be nothing more than imagination. Incessantly I try to realize my ambition to Exist, only to be distracted at the brink … I am grasping at the wind.
I give you my portrait; a portrait of a point, if it could be made, a mere fragment extending into multifarious desires for the possible – a gnawing need, from a beast at the pit of my gut, desperate to have time and squeeze the life out of it.
I search for a means to exist and the pure joy that it brings. Oh I know there is suffering too, I want to suffer existence in all its sorrow and glory. I have always wanted to place my living feet upon that broad highway and walk forth in the golden sunshine of reality. Not to evaporate into nothingness at the first doubt of my reality.
I saw a man with a bright red bow tie and a lime green suit. There is something so odd and compelling about him that I decide to follow him. I want to know what he will do. I blend in with the shadows as if I were one. The man kept walking like nothing mattered. He didn’t seem to know anyone and I wondered if he were a stranger.
What does stranger mean? In a world where nobody believes in what they really are, everything is strange! Yet where one is always under constant surveillance in the public eye, what could be less revealing? I have strange fantasies and an even stranger outlook – am I strange? I MUST BE!
Suddenly things got interesting. The man took a right turn down Bliss Street and began to admire the flowers that were blooming. I want to run up and shout some obscenity in his ear or pretend to be a terrorist just to see the shocked look on his face but I hold back. I need to see what he will do. That’s when I noticed a large unattended dog walking toward us. The dog’s eyes sparkle in the light of the sun and his coat is bristling with filth – there is a drool of saliva hanging from his lip. I became frightened – he could be mad!
The man didn’t seem to notice the dog as his eyes followed the song of a bird. Should I warn him? Should I come alive and shout? What is life about if not having an experience with the living and that is what I long for.
But I couldn’t. Instead I ran across the street, almost getting hit by a speeding car driven by a besotted teenager listening to loud rap music. The dog walked past the stranger without either noticing the other.
The stranger looked across the street at me and seemed to recognize me. He waved and gave a smile. I pretended not to see him although I was looking directly at him. He started walking toward me with a pleasant smile on his face. I became alarmed and wanted to run away but feared to be found ill mannered. The man walked past me and shook the hand of a man standing behind me.